My Dark Days

I used to walk around my neighborhood and contemplate how to bow out gracefully without causing anyone any more trauma. The best idea I had was to swim out into the ocean until I had no more energy left to return. This was years ago and thankfully, with the help of psilocybin and ketamine and a regimen of superfoods, I can say that it’s a distant memory.

The reason I am typing this is I just saw a man wearing an Anthony Bourdain teeshirt and that got me all up in my feels.

How can I ever bleed enough onto a page to rescue people who feel trapped? I’ve been there many times. I can relate. Some of my favorite music mentions this in the most beautiful way. We’re all looking out to make sure you don’t leave us too early. Yes, you.

A loss of beauty, of life, of brilliance is too much for anyone to bear. And temporary situations are just that – temporal, fleeting – there is always another sunrise, another awkward situation to judge yourself over, another missed connection…

I’ve been particularly blessed to experience so many days in a row of pure beauty, the indefatigable elegance of life, and true happiness. So between the thoughts of wanting to disappear for not living up to the standards of someone who can take care of his whole family some 5 years ago to the pride of breaking my own pushup record – 327 so far today – and on my way to the beach where I will almost certainly get to 400+ today – I just wanted to share that whatever you’re going through, is temporary and beautiful days will come. All you gotta do is keep walking through the fire.

I’m not even sure who I am writing this for. Could be you. Could be me. Could be a reminder that all life is sand running through our collective fingers. Keep walking, head held high if you can. And if not, all that matters is that you’re moving.

I love you. Thank you for reading this.