Dear god, what in the name of Gonzo journalism is this abomination of marketing-speak? Ladies and gentlemen, if you ever wanted to witness the bastardization of language in the pursuit of pretentiousness, look no further than the Museum of Crypto Art’s mind-numbing advertisement.
First, they peddle the nonsense that their mission is to ‘preserve the truth.’ As if the truth can be captured and locked away in a museum like a rare butterfly pinned to a board. They claim that a ‘common truth’ is found when ‘many voices are heard.’ Well, if these voices sound anything like the drivel in this advertisement, then I fear for the future of coherent discourse.
They prattle on about challenging, provoking, and upending our sense of self. But all I see are empty words and vague promises. ‘What is art?’ and ‘who decides?’ they ask. I’d venture a guess that they don’t have the foggiest idea themselves.
Their ‘multi-stakeholder decentralized platform’ is nothing more than a convoluted maze designed to confuse and bewilder. It’s like navigating through a drug-induced hallucination without the benefit of any mind-altering substances.
They claim to be a ‘testament to those who believed in a better future,’ but it feels more like a tribute to techno-narcissism. ‘Crypto art’ is their sacred cow, and they’ve become its evangelists. A ‘socio-economic paradigm,’ they say? More like a cult of digital delusion.
This so-called ‘cultural institution’ is nothing but a hodgepodge of buzzwords and techno-jargon. ‘Premier space for discourse,’ they declare. I’d be surprised if anyone can decipher what they’re blabbering about.
Their ‘Genesis Collection’ is hailed as the savior of the Metaverse, but it’s just a collection of pixelated pipe dreams. They claim it’s like ‘digital cave paintings,’ but I doubt even cavemen would find it worth scratching on their walls.
They talk about ‘aligning interests’ and ‘safeguarding the communal story,’ but it’s all smoke and mirrors to keep you distracted from their true agenda. ‘Incentivizing collaboration’ is their way of saying they want your money.
Their ‘multitude of experiences’ sounds like a recipe for sensory overload. It’s as if they’ve thrown every digital gimmick they could find into a blender and pressed ‘liquefy.’
They promise to ‘reject outside determinations,’ but in reality, they’ve already made up their minds about what’s ‘foundational.’ It’s a one-way ticket to conformity wrapped in a cloak of rebellion.
And as for their space that ‘awakens you’ and ‘reminds you that change is inevitable,’ well, it’s more likely to induce a sense of nausea and existential dread.
So, dear reader, when they ask, ‘what experiences do you want?’ my advice is to run as far away from this techno-circus as you can. The only experience you’ll find here is a descent into the abyss of gibberish and self-importance.